#MeToo How young can you teach your children about consent?

We can start teaching the concept of consent at a very young age, even to toddlers. When they snatch a toy off someone else we can say, 'No, darling, s/he doesn't want to give that toy. S/he has said 'no', so now you must respect that as it's her/his toy and s/he can decide who s/he gives it to.' That also supports the child who is feeling violated by the other one snatching their toy. Too often the parents tell the 'violated' child that they are being mean and need to 'share' and allow the toy to be snatched. This leaves the 'violated' child thinking that they aren't allowed to protect what belongs to them and aren't allowed to complain about it afterwards.

Do you remember how awful it was when adults wouldn't stop tickling you even when you begged them to stop – they just carried on laughing and tickling you until it wasn't fun anymore and you ended up crying – and then they got cross with you for crying? So when you're having one those perfectly healthy normal tickle and tumble games with your small children, you can say to the toddler, "When you want me to stop, just say ‘no’." And then stop STRAIGHT AWAY as soon as they try saying 'no' to you, so that they find out that it works. And if you see Uncle Jack laughing away and refusing to stop when they're pleading him to (even when he genuinely means well and thinks it just a bit of harmless fun), intervene and say, 'Hey Jack, s/he is asking you to stop, so give it a rest will you?' Very firmly stop it. This way the child will learn that you, the adult, are willing to protect them and will intervene to help them, so they are more likely to come to you for help about violation issues when they are older. They will also learn that the rule about it being 'okay to say no' holds good even outside the immediate family.

We need to have a whole change of mindset about our kids' autonomy, and their right to control their own body. We shouldn’t make our children kiss beardy Uncle Joe if they hate his garlic-breath and prickly bristles (even if he isn't at all dodgy). We can discuss the situation with our children before he arrives and allow them some independent agency. 'I know you don't want to kiss Uncle Joe, so how would you like to greet him? Handshake? Smile and wave hello from a distance?'

We can teach our young children about the concept of consent without having to mention the subject of sex, and we can allow them to practise exercising that right, while at the same time teaching them to respect the fact that other kids also have the right to exercise it too.